radmarshallb

OMFG

That screenshot above? Yeah, that's my new computer. And I have another 2GB of RAM on the way. I think I'm in love.

The Ladies Want Me

I generally post some of the less-offensive entries from this blog on my myspace page too.

Every time I do that, I am immediately bombarded with friend requests from many a fine lady who are all, coincidentally, posing provocatively. See for yourself:

Glad to see the ladies like my style.

The Heat is Off

I don't know why someone thought it would be a good idea to place an unsightly hunk of metal in my front room and rig it up in a way that I could flip a switch that would make that metal hotter than the flames of Hell.

And if they were so insistent on this plan, why couldn't they have made 5 smaller chunks of metal and put them, I dunno, in DIFFERENT ROOMS?!

But no. If I turn on the heat, I have to pay a bajillion dollars to have a 7 square-foot area of my apartment feel like a sauna, while the rest is uninhabitable by anything other than penguins. Guess what? I refuse to play.

That's right. I will not be turning on my radiator this year. My apartment doesn't have an air conditioner, and while there were many times this past summer when I would have to guzzle beers for 3 hours straight just to stay hydrated, I survived. So why not take it to the next level? Guzzling hot chocolate can't be too much different, can it?

Update on Smoking

So I decided to try again with the whole smoking thing. I was told by a friend at work that I was 'overthinking' it and that I just had to let it happen. He was right.

The trick is to simply inhale air and smoke at the same time. Not to suck on it like a straw and then quickly try to trick the smoke into going into your lungs by breathing in like it was your last breath, or worse, try to swallow it. Good to know.

Now that I'm a pro-smoker, I figure I should probably go to Wyoming and buy all sorts of illegal (in Utah) smokes and beer to squash any of my former morality. Might as well try everything once, eh?

I figure I'll go on Wednesday.

Picture of the Day

I took this from the passenger seat of my friend's car as we were driving to his house. I'm pretty happy with it.

Smoking is Gross

I recently attended church for a friend of mine who is about to move to Texas for a few years to convert people. Fair enough, I suppose, and I don't mind going to these type of things because it's only like 30 minutes (if you show up after sacrament) and happens once every 6 months. I can deal.

What I can't deal with, however, are super-mormon acquaintances that I haven't seen since high school, trying to figure out how I came to have Satan on my speed dial. This occurs at nearly every party/event/gathering I go to where the majority of people are A) Mormons and B) Concerned Mormons. Just so happens that this describes almost every Thanksgiving and Christmas since I was 15.

After a few hours of gritting my teeth, saying vaguely assuring things like "Religion just isn't my thing" and refraining from saying "You know... I just wanted to have lots of sex, and being Mormon was inhibiting that", I generally get out pretty unscathed. This time, however, I wasn't feeling as good about it. For whatever reason, I was more irked about these fairly normal sequence of events more than I had ever been. So while making a pit stop for gas on the way back to my place, I did what would have once been the unthinkable. I bought a pack of cigarettes. And then I marched triumphantly out of the gas station, knowing I had finally conquered years of my parent's valiant efforts to turn me into a good kid. A minute later, I sheepishly walked back into the gas station and bought a lighter.

When I got home, I lit up one of the bad boys and proceeded to attempt to smoke it. I don't know why exactly, but I was pretty sure I was doing it wrong. I turned to the google machine and did a search for 'how to smoke a cigarette', which provided lots of useful links. After 3 or 4 attempts at smoking different cigarettes, I smelled like an old shoe that was left too close to the campfire for a little too long that one summer at camp when you were trying to dry it after you fell in the lake while trying to tip over your friends who were in another canoe next to you, and gave up in disgust.

I guess I'll just have to stick with all the other stuff that makes Jesus cry. You know, like drinking whiskey and voting for Democrats.

Get On Up and Dance

Oh man. Night Fever by the Bee Gees just came on my iPod. It's taking everything I have to refrain from bursting into dance right here in the mall.

Miller Chill Sucks

One of my coworkers apparently thought it would be a funny joke to recommend that I try out "Miller Chill". It's the only explanation I can think of. I refuse to believe that someone can actually enjoy drinking it. I just won't do it.

It tastes like shit. Shit with lime and salt. Which is still shit. And no, I've never eaten shit. Don't get cutesy and think you're funny by saying "How do you know what shit tastes like? Dur hur hur." Just shut up. It tastes like shit because it's shitty. That's it. Done.

One good thing about wasting 7 bucks on this awful beverage is that it makes the Blue Moon I have taste just that much better. Maybe next time Mr. Foreman and I make a delicious dinner together, I'll use the Miller Chill as a marinade. It's useless as a drink.

Thanks for the Memories

As suddenly as it came, it was gone.

We had some good times, Captain Cola. I'll always remember the clean underwear I had because of you. And also how you charged way too fucking much for a shitty can of off-brand soda. Rest in peace.

The Big Time

Check out those sweet numbers. I get nearly 3/4ths of one person visiting EVERY DAY. That's out of control! And I bet my mother only accounts for 125 of the lifetime page views. Actually, that's not true. She would probably disown me if she ever found out that, on rare occasions, I have been known to consume alcohol. If you're reading this mother, it was only because I was triple dog dared and I have no resistance to peer pressure. Or delicious beer. My bad.